Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Community Game: Long Live the Queen XXIV (Fatal Finally Dies (Fatally))

Fatal: :) Being declared the BEST in front of everyone in the domain is the BEST possible prize.
Joslyn: Very well. I will draft the announcements.

Dear Diary,

After I talked with my ever-affectionate father, I wandered back to my room. That same creepy hall I mentioned previously was being creepy again. This time, all the flowers in the window vases were dead. I...think they were alive when I had gone that way that morning.

(You fail a Divination + Decoration check.)

I think, for the sake of my sanity, I'm going to blame Alice. Speaking of which, she brought me yet another gift this afternoon.

"Your Highness," she said, giving me a brightly-colored box, "A present has arrived from Kigal."

"From the Duke? I guess he heard his poisoned pillow trick did not work."

"No, it's from a merchant house."

(You fail a Trade + Production check.)

"That's okay, then." I grabbed the package and ripped off the paper to reveal...CHOCOLATE!!!

(You gain Cheerful +1.)

"They look lovely, your Highness." She paused and said tentatively, "They're not even in...unusual shapes."

"Alice, I'm shocked. Are you trying to develop a sense of humor?"

She thought about it. "That depends."

"It's a start. And don't worry, I'm not going to kill you today either. Not for that, anyway. Sadly, though, you're right. It seems the Castle Pervert and I have had a falling out. We were getting along so well...."

"What kind of chocolates, Your Highness?"

I studied the lid. "Lavender, Blood Orange, Caramel, Lychee, Curry...oh, here's one that's just chocolate."

(You fail a Court Manners skill check. You fail a Dog Handling skill check.)

I popped it in my mouth. Diary, it was absolute heaven. I haven't had such lovely chocolates since my thirteenth birthday party. It had a thin, snappy shell and a smooth creamy center, and it was big enough to fill my hand.





At this point, I would write more, but my Diary seems to have disappeared.

"Hi," said my mother. She was standing beside me. At first, I was too shocked to do anything, and then I finally hugged her, but it was awkward. I mean, I've been at boarding school since I was six, and then, well, she died, and all. We haven't spent a lot of time together, is what I'm saying.

She kissed me on the forehead and stroked my hair, running her fingers through to the ends and picking up a strand. "Pink?" she said. Geez, Dead Mom, it's cool, okay?

I smoothed my hair back down and said, "So...." but I kinda had to stop there.

"So you died," she filled in.

"What? When?!"

"Just now."

"I was writing my diary..." I thought aloud.

"And then you dropped it for all the thrashing and foaming at the mouth that came next."

"I don't remember that at all! Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure...I just thought you could skip all that and pop up here a little early."

"No, Geez, Mom, Queen Mom, it's nice of you, but I don't want to die yet. I might survive????"

"Oh no," she said thoughtfully, "I don't think that would have had happened considering what orifice your spleen just oozed out of."

"Ugh," I said.

"Exactly," she said. "So, here you are. You were poisoned, by the way."

"What?! But I took so many poison classes."

"And yet you still failed that last critical skill check."

(You fail a Poisons skill check.)

"What does that mean?" I asked, but my mother just floated there looking ethereally smug.

"Okay, who poisoned me?"

"I'm not quite sure. It was one of the thirty-nine people who wanted to kill you personally, or maybe just a political murder."

"Well, shoot." I thought about it. "Thirty-six weeks as queen, though. That's got to be some kind of record. For brevity. At least I will be remembered."

"Well, you were never actually crowned, so..."

"Okay, so, fine, I get to meet the Good Lady now, or what?"

"Well, about that. You didn't exactly manage to become enlightened during your life, did you?"

I rubbed my hands nervously. "Was there a class in that? Look, I only had thirty-six weeks." Plus fourteen years, I added silently to myself. Desperately, I tried to think of something impressive. "Ooo, I did learn to blow up people with my mind!"

My mother looked shocked and appalled, "You've been doing that!?"

"Who me? No, no. I wouldn't do that. Why, it's so, so wrong. I that. I...didn' that?"

"A Lumen should live to serve her people, not blow people up!"

"I will get right on that, as soon as I can get back to being alive. Is there a form to fill out?"

My mother sighed. "Fortunately, despite your lack of good deeds, your achievements towards becoming a magical being qualify you for reincarnation...unless you want to stay here and mediate on the nature of reality."

"Well, that's out. What are my reincarnation options?"

"Right now, the only magical being we have available is a terrible beast of darkness whose very name--"

"I'll take it!" I said.

My mother sputtered. "Fatal! Take the rabbit instead. You'll be perfectly...innocuous."

"Geeze, Mom. I'm not a little girl anymore. I've spent most of the year in constant danger honing myself into a killing machine. I sat in that stupid strategy classroom so many times, and the teacher wouldn't even let me wear my Magical Girl costume, and I had to listen to the Countess and the Priestess titter at each other day after day while I practiced. And I had to wear a corset, and curtsey, and dance with Dad, and every single person I knew hated me. No, I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm a terrible beast of darkness. Hopefully. As soon as possible. Whenever it's convenient."

So that's why I'm a Keythong now, a beast who's very name is....pretty ridiculous. But man can I rampage. My claws are named Terror and Destruction, my wings are Overshadowing, and my Maw is Hell, but my Tail is pink, because, dammit, I can do what I want now.

I guess this is the end, Diary. I'm an immortal beast of horror, you're a book, and written in you was a list of people whom I needed to revenge myself upon. Do you remember? I need to go work on that.

You have earned the achievements:

1. Died at least once
2. Transformed into a Lumen
3. Ordered an assassination
4. Been poisoned
5. Reincarnation as a Keythong

Thanks for playing, guys! It's been fun.

Player:  ugh. That's just nonsense. I don't approve of games where you lose for failure to do things you did.  (Namely, preparing well for the possibility of being poisoned.)

Me:  Sorry. I'm sad too, but I tried to make Fatal's ending at least entertaining. You guys managed to luck your way past vast numbers of unfair deaths. I'm surprised you made it this far, but making it this far makes the game seem like it just suddenly turned unfair. Believe me, it was unfair all along.  (several likes)

Player:  d*** I really want to beat this d*** game now. It was kinda fun  (lots of likes)

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