Sunday, February 1, 2015

Year 2014 Lists: Part III, Movies and Other Watchable Things

Movies I've Watched This Year (In No Particular Order)
1. Thale. In this Scandanavian thriller, two guys get stuck in the woods and meet a girl there under very odd circumstances. This movie has some traditional Scandanavian creatures, and it is not at all clear what their intentions are and whether they are human enough to have intelligence or goals, and if so, what those goals are, which adds a lot to the tension.

2. Victor/Victoria. What is this? A musical written by Henry Mancini?! Starring Julie Andrews and Robert Preston?! I had to watch it immediately. Unfortunately, it's filmed in brown-vision (because that's how you know it is the past), and the dull situational-humor dialogue is filled with pause-for-laugh spaces as if they are filming a play. It also has crass and unlikeable characters and the most lifeless jazz soundtrack. Entirely painful.

3. Tale of a Vampire. If you watch only one terrible vampire movie this year, I recommend this one. A broody, moody vampire finds a woman who attracks him, but his vampirism (and remembering his first love) get in the way. Yes, it has the exact same plot as every vampire tale ever told, but it's British, and that means it's better.

4. Fido. Yet another movie set after the zombie apocalypse, but this one happened in the 50s and was apparently quickly taken care of by the united civic-minded U.S. populous. Now there is nothing left to do but deal with suburban angst except with zombies. A black comedy that sparkles with commercialized wholesomeness like a mirror world ABC Special Feature.

5. Zorro: The TV Series (staring Duncan Regehr) I finally got around to watching this. It came out on DVD recently, and this had been My Show when I was a kid. This is the show that taught me all the tropes: no one will ever change clothes, if it says "Guest Star," the guy will not be living through th episode, and Zorro is never actually going to tell the Senorita his secret identity despite what it showed in the preview. Now that I am grown, the show turns out to hold up really well. Zorro is dashing and handsome (the actor was a pro figure skater), and the scenarios are thrilling in an action kindof way. Watch it if you can find it.

6. Casanova. A BBC miniseries starring David Tenant. This is set in "the ?past?" and has steampunk elements. David Tenant as Casanova starts out as a hapless nobody but soon he is winning and losing fortunes right and left and really hamming it up. Everyone seems to be having so much fun in this movie; it has great energy and absolutely nothing contemplative in it. My brain candy for the year.

7. Freeman's Mind. This long-running Youtube series ended with the close of the year and can now be viewed in its entirety on the Accursed Farms youtube page. This is a Machinima, an entire playthrough of the first-person shooter Half Life: Source, but it is played entirely in character with voice-over added. (In the original game, the protagonist is completely silent.) So, in this series, instead of endless pointless shooting, we have an arrogant incompetent physicist who comes to work one day at a vast amoral corporation only to find himself stuck in an alien invasion and subsequent government wipeout/coverup. Now he has to somehow escape the vast labryinth of factories and warehouses, maintaining throughout a steady emission of both bullets and whining. It's hillarious (but also definitely not for children or work...has lots of shooting, exploding, and profanity).

8. Noah. Um. Wut.

9. The Dead Inside. Imma put this on here to improve my Indie Cred. Directed by Travis Betz, this is a movie about an author writing the 13?th book in her zombie/rom-com novel series who is suspected by her husband of having been taken over by a ghost recently. It's also a musical. The music is really good, and it's pretty creative for having been filmed in a single room with, like, three dollars, but I think a second act got lost somewhere along the way. It has a setup...and an abrupt conclusion.

10. Let's Read Boatmurdered by youtuber drageuth. This is an impressive number of layers of creativity. First, someone (Tarn and Zach Adams) made a game, then a bunch of people played it and wrote stories about their experience, then other people sent in fan art, then this guy read the entire thing and put it on Youtube. He does voices! Warning for content here, again.

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